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Thu July 02, 2009

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Officer tasers waffle house employee because its fun to taser waffle house employees (ajc.com)	(19)
		"She appeared to be bouncing up and down on the driver's lap in a very vigorous motion," police reported. With photo goodness (thesmokinggun.com)	(99)
(Politifact)		"Back on June 27, 2008, PolitiFact published a story we hoped would put the whole Obama birth certificate controversy to rest. Oh, how naive we were." (politifact.com)	(224)
(New4Jax)		Man attacks realtor with hammer. Good Samaritan returns fire with paperweight. If only there was a tag to tell where this happened (news4jax.com)	(24)
(Free Republic)		Three-way sex leads to double-stabbing. At least the sex-to-stabbing ratio is still greater than 1 (freerepublic.com)	(63)
		Man passes the bar exam on his 4th try. Bar examiners deny him a license because he hasn't made a single payment on his $400,000 student loans in 26 years (dailykos.com)	(168)
(ScienceBlogs)		New poll shows that Americans have as higher level of understanding of evolution than any other country in the world (scienceblogs.com)	(195)
		For those in the Northeast who read Fark: How to build an ark (boston.com)	(135)
		Although chasing your girlfriend around with a machete while drinking a cold Keystone Ice may seem perfectly reasonable to you, it's still against the law. Even in Florida (tcpalm.com)	(66)
		Who shot Neda? Iran says doctor on the scene saw who did it, Interpol is seeking him. Interpol: "We're doing what?" (cbsnews.com)	(91)
		I cheated on my husband and destroyed my marriage. Obviously the problem is that I didn't have enough husbands, and a community of women to communally care for my children (msnbc.msn.com)	(438)
		Since 1975, 274 children have died in this country because their parents thought prayer, not medicine, would cure them. God bless America (msnbc.msn.com)	(374)
(Some Guy)		The evil Rupert Murdoch claims he's not interested in buying The New York Times, but we know better than than, don't we? (poynter.org)	(55)
		If you always wanted to spend your Fourth of July holiday at O'Hare Airport, you're in luck if you're flying United today (wbbm780.com)	(38)
(Some Bennie)		New Jersey man sees Wisconsin man's nine DUIs, raises him six more (phillyburbs.com)	(47)
		CFL receiver in trouble after celebrating touchdown by pretending to be a dead Michael Jackson. "I made the mistake of telling him that once he got to the end zone I didn't care what he did," says coach (cbc.ca)	(173)
		Ten people banned from visiting the UK, including Martha Stewart, Snoop Dogg, and some Brazilian tart with a suitcase full of sex toys (online.wsj.com)	(88)
		Photoshop these big brims (s.wsj.net)	(32)
		Strip club shooting suspect arrested in Atlanta, tries to post bail with ones (ajc.com)	(41)
		In case you were wondering, a Porta John tipping is a news worthy event in Central Pennsylvaina (pennlive.com)	(113)
(Gainesville Sun)		Father of toddler crushed to death by his eight-foot Burmese python described as "a great dad" (gainesville.com)	(362)
		If you've stolen over 5,000 pounds of commercial grade fireworks, the Chicago police would like to celebrate the 4th of July with you (suntimes.com)	(41)
		People who are unsure of their own beliefs are less open minded. Suck it agnostics (news.yahoo.com)	(742)
		Just in case you need another reason to be scared to go to the dentist (msnbc.msn.com)	(44)
		Flock of seagulls mourn after being hit by two short range missiles fired by North Korea today. Iran's so far away (abcnews.go.com)	(123)
		Massachusetts ups greed level by charging $25 fee to plead not guilty to traffic tickets (telegram.com)	(225)
		Poll: 64 percent say too much Jackson coverage. The other 36 percent says that it's nice to hear 'Billie Jean' back on the radio (news.yahoo.com)	(212)
		Major heist thought to have occurred at Canadian mint, silly robbers no country south of the US has anything of value (upi.com)	(80)
		India decriminalises consensual gay sex. Sex with eight armed elephant gods still illegal (google.com)	(57)
		He likes his women like he likes his cheap whiskey: six years old and mixed with coke (boston.com)	(213)
		45-year-old Colorado mother accused of having sex with 16-year-old boy who also was part of a group that enjoys dressing up as animals. Then it gets weird (denverpost.com)	(82)
		Hollywood scrapes the bottom of the barrel and comes away with "Asteroids: The Movie." PEW, PEW, PEW (aintitcool.com)	(213)
		Stress camp for kids helps the precious snowflakes deal with the pressures of not having to work, summer break, eating anything they want, going to the movies and wondering if Jimmy just likes her or if he likes her likes her (myfoxdc.com)	(57)
		After 26 years, DNA evidence finally gets man charged with murder in DC. Because the other evidence like the murder weapon, crime scene photos, hairs, fibers and 21 stab wounds to the back were lost during the original investigation (myfoxdc.com)	(22)
		North Korea continues its assault on the Sea of Japan (edition.cnn.com)	(80)
		If you're a 5th grade teacher, make sure you don't accidentally put your personal sex tape onto the DVD you're giving your students at the end of the year. (article includes said video) (cbs13.com)	(202)
		Illinois police looking for hot, crazy brunette. Who isn't? (chicagobreakingnews.com)	(48)
		Now that the real protestors have been put down and the online protestors have gone back to their WoW raids, Iranian hardliners want Mousavi arrested for being a rabble raiser (reuters.com)	(68)
		Wrestling midget brothers found dead after hooker romp. The Sun is there. Hero tag cuz that's how we all want to go out (thesun.co.uk)	(46)
		Sen. Franken may be spoofed on SNL, a show he use to be on, were he spoofed a senator once on a committee he may actually serve on (saved you six paragraphs of reading there) (msnbc.msn.com)	(237)
(Some Guy)		Vietnam sees alarming rise in boy births vs girls. You'd be alarmed too if you saw a boy giving birth (centredaily.com)	(40)
		Is your office dull and boring? Are you suffering from a lack of employee morale? What you need is a "naked Friday" (telegraph.co.uk)	(143)
		John "The 'Stache" Bolton: Israel, it's time for you to do what you do best against Iran (washingtonpost.com)	(255)
		Washington Post selling access to DC power elite, reporters for as much as $250,000; gets scolded by lobbybist for dubious ethics (politico.com)	(45)
		The Boston Herald is outraged that Massachusetts turnpike workers don't have to pay tolls on their way into work. The paper's next target: freeloading baseball hot dog vendors (bostonherald.com)	(38)
		Man hit by train at 100mph, survives: "I'm not a hero, I'm an idiot." QFT (telegraph.co.uk)	(43)
(Findagrave.com)		Allah might have had 72 virgins waiting for Ayatollah Khomeini, but apparently he was a bit short on green chandeliers. With photo ostentatiousness (findagrave.com)	(40)
		Obama expands assistance to poor decision makers (usatoday.com)	(80)
		Want to strip then write a book? Here are common themes: You're someone we'd least suspect. But stripping feels strangely natural. And you're not like the ones doing it for meth (doublex.com)	(89)
		Some may think that forwarding a child porn to your friends for the purpose of identifying the molester is good idea, but the authorities disagree (11alive.com)	(150)
		You know your boyfriend really loves you when he's willing to cut off one of his penises for you. Wait, what? (metro.co.uk)	(87)
		OK kids, we're only gonna give you 5 chances to screw up before we take your license from you. No, wait, 10 chances, and that's it (myfoxdc.com)	(32)
(Some Guy)		Once again a massive search is launched after someone leaves a bike/car on a Seattle ferry (kitsapsun.com)	(13)
(Madison.com)		Man gets charged with 9th DUI while serving time for 8th DUI, gets crowned king of Wisconsin (madison.com)	(45)
		Most traffic infractions end with a ticket, a fine, and a court date. Others end with a priest being tasered, 40 parishioners being pepper sprayed, and the door of the church being kicked in. The holy trinity of Texas law enforcement (myfoxdc.com)	(102)
		Online advertisers adopt seven core principles designed to give you more control over enhancing your penis size (usatoday.com)	(13)
		Cemetery authorities: Famous prostitute's gravestone 'too slutty' (thelocal.de)	(48)
(Chicago Reader)		It costs $900 to haul a dead body to the morgue in Chicago - not including cab fare to the voting booth (blogs.chicagoreader.com)	(19)
		Movie studios fail to realize that all you have to do to market to hipsters is tell them the movie sucked (reuters.com)	(136)
		Parking deck collapse is a puzzle for engineers, pile of rubble and crushed cars for everone else (ajc.com)	(37)
(Some Guy)		She tugs at his shirt sleeve with her teeth. He caresses her right cheek. She kisses his neck repeatedly. If it just wasn't for the dash cam he wouldn't have had to abruptly resign as Chief of Police (w/you'd hit it video) (cantonrep.com)	(83)
		National Rhinoceros Beetle Sumo Championship ends in chaos as finalist flees, earns instant DQ (mdn.mainichi.jp)	(12)
		Ric Romero reports: pets and fireworks don't always mix (mercurynews.com)	(22)
(WATE-TV)		Having a name suited only for Tennessee, former UT backup quarterback Jim Bob Cooter arrested (wate.com)	(25)
		62 sex offenders mistakenly let loose in Michigan.Police return them to prison, then release some again. It's an odd catch and release program, but Michigan seems to be enjoying it (foxnews.com)	(16)
(Franklin Avenue)		Casey Kasem's "American Top 20" goes the way of a little dog named Snuggles (franklinavenue.blogspot.com)	(117)
		Possible AIDS vaccine to enter human trials, needlessly tempting high risk demographics away from their abstinence pledges (cbc.ca)	(83)
		Scientists prove that vegetarians have weaker bones. Suck it brittle bones (fe18.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com)	(235)
		Five time marathon winner touts the benefits of a Waffle House breakfast, says it will certainly give you the runs (ajc.com)	(47)
		Woman calls fire department because her TV is on fire. Firefighters quickly save the day when they discover it was tuned to a broadcast of a fireplace (mcall.com)	(92)
		USA Today publishes a helpful guide highlighting the major differences between the three vampire worlds (usatoday.com)	(113)
		Iran crushed by the United States. Suspiciously, no Twitter coverage of the deadly-accurate U.S. shooting (startribune.com)	(34)
(News 14 Carolina)		Investigative journalism gets to the bottom of the most horrible thing you will ever see with your own eyes (news14.com)	(104)
(Some Guy on the ground)		Photoshop this guy on the ground (i35.photobucket.com)	(31)
(Some Guy)		Sea lion 1, cops not so much (ktla.com)	(40)
		Man bitten by snake in Florida. Come for the story, stay for the picture of a Rattlesnake attacking its own tail (firstcoastnews.com)	(82)
		The Great Sofa Round-up, where people traded 600 sofas last year, has been cancelled this year due to fear of bedbugs by officials. "The Department of Public Health says it has no bedbug reports this year." (denverpost.com)	(53)
(Some Chick)		Apparently Tuesday was "Bring Your Granddaughter to a Drug Deal" day (wlwt.com)	(28)
		Sequel to American classic "Catcher in the Rye" banned, possibly for steroid use (news.bbc.co.uk)	(183)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 217: "In Memoriam: Thar Be Dragons" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)	(112)

Wed July 01, 2009

	When asked if it's funny being arrested for fondling underage girls, don't say: "Yeah, it's funny. I'm a handsome dude. I don't need to be fondling little girls." (wesh.com)	(159)
(Some Guy)	Five people arrested at a going away party they threw for a relative leaving for jail. -- So what, that's like... FIVE MORE PARTIES, YO (itemlive.com)	(58)
(WFMZ)	Man riding bike across Pennsylvania to raise money, awareness of people who actually want to ride a bike across Pennsylvania (wfmz.com)	(32)
(Tacoma News Tribune)	What could possibly be wrong with a bikini fireworks stand? (thenewstribune.com)	(137)
	Sears Tower opening subby's worst nightmare on Thursday (msnbc.msn.com)	(226)
	Photoshop this siesta in the sun (s.wsj.net)	(57)
	Faced with the prospect of returning to Staten Island, operator drives his ferry into a pier at full speed (cnn.com)	(38)
	FDA: Anti-smoking drugs can make you crazy. How does the FDA know that these crazy people are not just jonesing for a cigarette? (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(89)
(NWA homepage)	Not News: Murder victim shot in head. News: accidentally. Fark: by police responding to her 911 call (nwahomepage.com)	(240)
	Georgia foster care system tries to dump problem teen in Guatemala, despite the fact that he's never been there and is a US citizen (msnbc.msn.com)	(133)
(Some Chef)	Man arrested and tazered for illegal pork chop recipe (wptv.com)	(60)
	Stephen Colbert declares soccer the new American sport. You've been warned (colbertnation.com)	(326)
	Now they are making dresses out of bacon. God bless America (stltoday.com)	(82)
	Cats in Minneapolis are putting their paws together for Hoppy the dog-terrorizing cat. City officials have deemed him "potentially dangerous", but he's just making sure no stupid dogs ruin his Caturday fun (startribune.com)	(100)
	Todays Republican whinge: 60 vote Democratic majority in the Senate means America will start using the metric system. C'mon guys, is that really the best you can do? (edition.cnn.com)	(526)
	Greece, where cigarettes are allowed in hospitals and 37% of the people light up, has adopted a new public smoking ban...for the 3rd time...in the last 10 years. Exceptions have been made for mental patients and gamblers (myfoxdc.com)	(49)
	Man concerned that his wife will be embarassed by his arrest in women's underwear. Is it the arrest or clothing choice that will embarass her more? (w/ pics) (wtam.com)	(76)
	California reduced to the Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne method of finance (latimes.com)	(91)
	The UK now has 85 Sharia courts, which are just awesome and peachy and if you don't agree you'll get treated like a disrespectful Muslim wife (guardian.co.uk)	(138)
	California's governator has a carpeted, furnished tent outside his office just for smoking his cigars in. Unfortunately due to term limits, he won't be back (nytimes.com)	(170)
	Russia forces all casinos to close down and relocate to far-flung regions. What happens in Krasnodar and Rostov, stays in Krasnodar and Rostov (washingtonpost.com)	(31)
(Business Insider)	CNBC host complains "anonymous bloggers" have been mocking him and his show, saying he looks like Beaker from the Muppets. Ends up in a train wreck of a rant that... MEEP, MEEP, MEEP, MEEP, MEEP (businessinsider.com)	(116)
	Karl Malden finally leaves home without it (latimes.com)	(329)
(Tacoma News Tribune)	The good news: Washington's state run liquor stores will be open on the 4th of july for the first time ever. The bad news: they face liquor shortages because they forgot to order enough booze (blogs.thenewstribune.com)	(45)
	Cheekily self-aware Reuters headline: "Probe fingers 1,800 American Apparel workers" (fe13.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com)	(55)
	Church bans inflatable rides at Ohio festivals.....stops short of banning 11 year old boys (daytondailynews.com)	(46)
	Missing cat shows up on BBC political debate. Read my lips, no new veterinarians (telegraph.co.uk)	(50)
	News: Gas station robbed at knifepoint. Fark: Two idiots busted less than a mile away from said gas station after running out of gas (abc2news.com)	(15)
	Annoyed that Southern Waffle Houses are getting all the Fark headlines, Arizona legislature passes the Drunken Redneck Shootenanny Act (sfgate.com)	(160)
	Rush Limbaugh: "Michael Jackson flourished under Reagan and Bush, and died under Obama" (mediamatters.org)	(626)
	Return your tray tables and seat backs to their upright positions - Oh, and put your clothes back on too (with pics) (abclocal.go.com)	(61)
(Some Guy)	During elementary school demolition workers discover numerous VHS porn tapes, women's panties... wait, what's a VHS? (khq.com)	(75)
	Public health insurance option would destroy private insurance, just like Social Security annihilated private pensions and FHA vanquished private mortgate lenders (tnr.com)	(541)
	It's hard enough to moonwalk as is, these critters do it on all fours (huffingtonpost.com)	(42)
	Theme: Photoshop/Farktography Mash Up. Combine two or more images from Farktography contest "Homeless images" (fark.com)	(103)
	"Let's screw up the entire Internet to save newspapers" (valleywag.gawker.com)	(164)
(Some Guy)	"He wanted to make a phone call, did a handstand and refused to obey. The officers put a padded helmet on him and transferred him to the jail," (floridatoday.com)	(26)
	The creepiest Disney branded product you'll see today: The Mickey Mouse gas mask (consumerist.com)	(84)
	Man who currently lives in Michael Jackson's boyhood home has a little difficulty doing yardwork these days (with pic) (chicagotribune.com)	(102)
	Russia conducting a huge military exercise near Georgia, causing worried citizens to back up traffic all the way to Macon (timesonline.co.uk)	(97)
	PROTIP: When planning your Independence Day celebration, consider whether launching fireworks in a war-torn African country is really the best way to go (news.yahoo.com)	(73)
(Tribtoday.com)	Tough economic times? - Check. Having to steal to make ends meet? - Check. Stealing copper from a high voltage electrical substation? - Check. One electrocuted repeat offender identifiable by tattoos only?. - Check (tribtoday.com)	(123)
	Baltimore deaths from alcohol and drug overdoses fall two years in a row, except for marijuana overdose deaths, which stubbornly remain unchanged (baltimoresun.com)	(432)
	NYC Strong Beer Festival Jul 7th 7pm, clicky for details (fark.com)	(68)
	Chicago Fark Parties are back: Saturday August 8th at 8pm. Yes, that's Lollapalooza weekend (fark.com)	(130)
	Canada celebrates its 142nd birthday and wants the world to know: "We're inferior no more. We not only know who we are, but we like who we are." Happy Canada Day (theglobeandmail.com)	(326)
	If I had to guess, i'd say your first mistake was taking a photo of yourself with a mobile phone in the house you were robbing, and your second mistake was leaving it behind (metro.co.uk)	(21)
	The Fattest US States are in, and y'all will never guess which part of the country wins (health.yahoo.com)	(621)
	Scientists find sex effective against childlessness (reuters.com)	(57)
	Seriously, what does it take to lose your driver's license in New Jersey? (wcbs880.com)	(88)
	Annapolis alderman that was cured of homosexuality and stopped beating his wife has suffered a setback in both areas (baltimoresun.com)	(75)
	Awkward moments in the workplace, number 21: Having to explain that you gave someone a vasectomy by mistake (thelocal.se)	(58)
(The State)	Get ready to guess who farted, y'all: introducing your Miss South Carolina 2009 contestants (thestate.com)	(952)
(Some Guy)	City councilman who led drive to ban pitbulls awaits decision whether his labrador retriever will be euthanized for biting neighbor (siouxcityjournal.com)	(323)
	Man falls asleep in church. While robbing it (3news.co.nz)	(32)
	Not news: Boy arrested for stealing. News: For stealing an oxygen tank and sensor. Fark: From the ambulance while paramedics treated his mom. Total Fark: And a purse from one of the medics (news.yahoo.com)	(82)
	Italian ice cream company runs ad campaign portraying "forbidden Italian temptations", including a priest and a nun in a "seductive pose". Surprisingly, some people had a problem with this (telegraph.co.uk)	(135)
	Today's Fark-ready story: Swedish docs cleared over misplaced colon (thelocal.se)	(47)
	When giving a presentation to the board of your company, it's always worth trying not to bring up your favourite porn website by mistake (thelocal.se)	(86)
	If you know anything aboot a half-ton of gold, missing from the Royal Canadian Mint and worth $US 13 million, the Mounties would like to have a word with you (news.bbc.co.uk)	(86)
	Latest way to get bored passengers to pay attention to the safety briefing? Flight attendants covered in body paint. Note that on US Air, eye bleach is now $25 (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(104)
	Photoshop these hymnists (flickr.com)	(30)
	BBC is freaking out because a teenager bought a machete, which could potentially be used as a weapon. Next thing you know, they'll be letting kids buy a baseball bat without carding them (news.bbc.co.uk)	(268)
	As the Iranian authorities warned the opposition on Tuesday that they would tolerate no further protests over the disputed election, reports indicate that they have secretly started hanging arrested Mousavi supporters (jpost.com)	(608)
	It is once again time for the annual Royal Counting of the Swans, when the Swan Marker rows up the Thames for five days, weighing and measuring swans and cygnets, to find out how many the gypsies have eaten (stuff.co.nz)	(32)
	Would-be burglar gets face rearranged after breaking into home of 71yo retired Army boxer. Judge's comments: Nice work (news.com.au)	(59)
	"The security guard approached the 44-year-old yesterday at a Dapto supermarket and demanded he produce the meat from within his pants." (abc.net.au)	(31)
	Newspaper urges drivers to throw away red light camera tickets because the program is an accident-causing scam (washingtontimes.com)	(229)
(Some Guy)	Fark ready headline "Woman Steals $650 In Gum From Hospital Gift Shop" with photo goodness (10tv.com)	(41)
(Montana's News Station)	Today's FAIL pic brought to you by this Bud Light truck and railroad overpass (montanasnewsstation.com)	(111)
	Amber alert, well, greenish-amber alert, for missing giant lizard (w/ pic) (wbbm780.com)	(33)
	Dry Academia, meet Pure Stupid. Pure Stupid, meet Dry Academia (nytimes.com)	(173)
	Roger Ebert gives two thumbs down to our culture of doom gloom and fear and the Nanny State mentality that has taken over our lives (blogs.suntimes.com)	(149)
	6 at 6 for $6: Cheap-ass domestic beers face off in a blind taste test showdown (voices.washingtonpost.com)	(184)